Truth in the press

An easy guide to keeping political news in perspective...
  • The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

  • The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

  • The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

  • USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

  • The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

  • The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

  • The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

  • The Key West Citizen is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.